It’s really not that bad… but as I sit and sip my first batch of green juice for the day, I can’t help but wish I had a cheeseburger. One thing that being on this extreme diet has taught me is how incredibly addicted to food I actually am. It literally consumes not only my waking thoughts, but my dreams as well. Last night, I dreamed of eating macaroni and cheese with hot dogs sliced into it – something my babysitter used to make me as a kid for lunch. We’re talking blue box mac & cheese at that. For some reason, I loved it and to this day, just the thought of it is comforting.
That must be a sign of how disturbing this diet is for me to be dreaming about something that makes me feel comforted and carefree. The hunger pangs aren’t as bad as I thought they were going to be, but just thinking about all the different types of food that I want right now and can’t have is like mental and emotional torture! Garlic mashed potatoes and crispy fried chicken would be amazing right now, not to mention that biscuit on the side… Last night, I could swear that one of the storerooms at work smelled like pizza, only to have an intern look at me like I was crazy and say, “Maybe it’s because you’ve had nothing but juice because I don’t smell anything.” And as I’m sitting here typing, I swear I can smell brioche dough proofing.
I think about abandoning the juice-ship every other minute, but I’m more convinced than ever that I NEED to make it 5 days. The fact that I’m not as hungry as I thought I would be just goes to show how much extra food I put into my body because I WANT to, not because I need to. Will that help me practice moderation once I’m off this thing next week? Probably not. This whole diet just makes me realize how much food means to me. It’s my friend. It’s my hobby. It’s the meaning of life – to make food, enjoy food, share food with others. I’m reclaiming a greater appreciation for food that only comes with restriction. It’s thinking about how decadent and delicious that first piece of food is going to taste, how it’s going to feel to chew or crunch it, that’s allowing me to slowly sip my swamp water and actually enjoy it.
I will say this, I feel extremely alert, have never slept better, and my sinuses are completely clear. My sense of smell is either improving or is delusional, smelling what it wants to smell, not what it actually smells. And my vision seems to be improving as I can see every, leftover crumb in the couch cushions… Yeah, I actually considered eating a dirty crumb for a split-second. But I didn’t, ok! So don’t judge!