When I used to work at Goldman Sachs, an ex-boss told me that I needed to wear more color. He said that I wore too much black, and sometimes a little gray. I looked at him, wanted to say that the reason was because working for him was like constantly attending my own funeral, but just swallowed the urge and walked away in silence. Yeah, that guy was a turd. Actually, from what I hear, he’s still a turd. But at least remembering this story gave me a quick idea for a post.
If you are a disaster, maybe you should try wearing LOTS of black. No, not in the alternative, trench-wearing, angst-filled teenager sort of way. If you, like me, come home tired, lie down on the couch, and use your stomach as a table on which to rest your plate while eating a reclining dinner, then wearing black will definitely keep you from having to scrub tomato stains out over the sink. Ditto for most other colored, watery foods. Unfortunately, as we learned from Sunday’s post, wearing black doesn’t help if you drop chalky, opaque foods on yourself… like liquid nacho cheese. Added bonus – especially if you like to burn as little calories as possible while eating like I do – black is slimming.
Just remember to dust yourself off after eating. Black is great to conceal stains, but sadly, crumbs stand out like crazy. Oh, and after you dust off crumbs from your torso, shake out the cuffs of your pants if they are indeed cuffed. Cuffed pants are like little depositories for shaken-off torso crumbs, and it’s embarrassing to shake them out in the laundry room in front of people. Trust me.